Jonas Mother

While I was visiting my folks last weekend, my dad told me he has started reading the obituaries. He says you never know who you might see. So I decided to give the local Obits a glance and this picture caught my eye. Now I don't know if this dearly departed lady is an actual relative to the Jonas Brothers. But at least God showed some grace by calling Mother Jonas "to her greater rewards" (as the Jesuits used to say) in 2002 while the boys in the band were still in grade school, thus sparing from seeing her surname sullied in her lifetime by association with Jonas Brothers cheesy brand of quasi-Christian. Disney-fied "rock".

Yes it's true--I am no fan of Jonas Brothers. This puzzles those who've assumed these popstar teens, with their beautiful hair and hyper songs, would be totally up my cultural alley. I mean, I loved the Cassidy Brothers and the Carter Brothers so why not JB? Well, here's the deal; they've been on my Shit List ever since they covered this really awesome Brit-pop single called "That's What I Go To School For" and censored the original lyrics about lusting for your teacher. In the Jonas version, Joey have a crush on a senior! Whaaaaa?!?

So they're, like, totally and seriously forever banished to teen pop star purgatory for that one. In fact, I hope that one day they'll meet Mother Jonas at the pearly gates and she'll scowl at their skinny jeans, so-called purity rings and rocked-out hair and send them straight to hell for ruining her good name. And God Bless her for it!